Saturday, February 10, 2007

New Year's Resolution

My New Year's resolution is to hold open doors for those walking behind me. I hold open doors currently, don't get me wrong, but I need to improve my skill in this area. Really elite Door Openers make it look so easy, but maybe they have some special advantages:

1) Eyes on the backs of their heads. My current status as a rank amateur requires me to spin around to see who is behind me when approaching a door. This is awkward. Maybe it would be less so if I wore a tutu and worked in some arabesques, but how impractical and timeconsuming. Recently, I did learn a trick but it works only if the door is glass: I check out the reflection of the area behind me. Progress!

2) Superior Depth Perception. For twenty minutes, I stand there holding open a door for somebody across the parking lot. Often, the object of my politeness is overcome by the impulse to sprint for the entrance and may twist an ankle or trip over their overcoat. My good deed is not considered helpful when this occurs.

3) Ability to Flatten Themselves. When I hold open a door, no one can fit past me. My triceps are burning while the person assesses the possibility of squeezing by at various angles. I am considering switching out my backpack for something less bulky.
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