Tuesday, October 23, 2007

"Going Hiking," as defined by Melissa, Attorney-at-Law

"Going hiking" is a totally different animal than "exercising" or "going for a walk." No need for break-of-dawn Armageddon shit, hiking has mellowed since the time of codpieces and poor personal hygiene. Yet, the action of "hiking" remains distinct and is characterized by three criteria: intent, food and footwear.
  • Intent. Meaning one or more of the following:
    • You procured a trail map.
    • You've mentioned your commitment to "go hiking" in advance of setting out.
    • You foresee an opportunity to whip out your buck knife.
  • Food.
    • You've rigged yourself out with a snack.
  • Footwear.
    • You are wearing hiking boots that snuggly protect your ankles from the hidden peril of rocks.
*Additional Commentary as per Melissa: I think it is important that it also be recognized that if by chance one is wearing running shoes for any period of time during the alleged "hike", one is clearly not hiking as that fact alone is evidential that no "hike" or "hiking" occurred. When those facts are present, any pre-concieved intent or intent of any sort, is clearly negated by the action or inaction, if you will.

Nothing further, your honor.
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