Sunday, June 29, 2008

Happy Days with My Favorite Sadomasochists

We bought a property on Friday. During the closing, the seller's real estate agent kept offering to give us ("the enemy") stuff. The seller's real estate attorney looked ready to squeeze his head and crack it like a nut.

Tom and I huddled under the conference room table to escape from stray fisticuffs and evil death stares.

Meanwhile, our very own real estate agent's assistant fiddled with her extremely low neckline and wondered aloud why her Blackberry kept sending email messages all by itself.

I was about ready to poke needles in my eyeballs. Here's just a taste of the backstory. There's more where this came from, but I will spare you.


The Cast in Order of Appearance

Robert H: The Seller's Real Estate Agent
Jane: The Seller
Alan Esq: The Seller's Real Estate Attorney
Stacey and Tom: The Buyers

- - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
In a message dated 6/25/2008 4:38:48 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, Robert H (the seller's real estate agent) writes:

This email is sent ONLY to Jane (the seller), and Alan Esq (her real estate attorney). At this point, it is a Secret Internal Communication amongst the seller's dream team.

Hi Jane,
For reasons beyond my control, your attorney has failed to provide the buyers' attorney with a list of certified checks which the buyers' have to provide or this closing on friday will be delayed.

I really like Alan Esq. I think he's a great attorney. However, do you think you could have a CHAT with him about his lack of attention to your real estate closing.

If he needs some assistance sending an email, perhaps he just needs to Turn On his computer. I'm sure a few choice words from you will help him provide the closing information needed to close by friday.

Since there is a 2 hour time difference, this little problem may be cleared up by the time you get this email. I have great faith in alan's professionalism. I'm sure this little problem will disappear today.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
On Jun 25, 2008, at 11:33 AM, Alan Esq writes:

For this email, Alan Esq sees fit to cc: the ENTIRE CAST including me, Tom, our lawyer, our real estate agent and our real estate agent's assistant. So now we all get to read Robert H's original email. Way to publicize your own incompetence, Alan Esq! I guess if you're going to take the time to churn out a nastygram, you might as well expand the size of your readership.

I will deal with Mr. H directly with regard to his false and defamatory statements.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
On Jun 25, 2008, at 12:33 PM, Tom wrote:

Wow, this is going smoothly.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
On Jun 26, 2008, at 1:45 PM, Robert H wrote:


Dear Alan,

As agreed after the closing, I agreed to send a retraction to all parties involved. I am now keeping my promise I made to you today.

I sincerely apologize if any email I distributed caused you great professional umbrage. As per your later email to me, it was absolutely never my intention to publicize defamatory falsehoods regarding your practice of law.

Everyone makes mistakes but only a few people are honest enough to admit their own. I admit I made a mistake. I hope you can accept my sincere apology.

Best Regards,

Robert H


Post a Comment