Nothing exists in this world that compares to Swedish candy. They don’t call it gummy candy for nothing. Screw teeth, who needs ‘em. When you're toothless (and gum-my, get it), you can tear into floppy gelatinous sugar like a rabid herring. In fact, that’s probably the inspiration behind the Swedish fish.
Besides Swedish fish, there are also green frogs, race cars, worms, pop bottles, pacifiers and what I had previous thought were unquestionably mice. At Swedish Club on Saturday, Tom got his hands on one of these mice. It was a green little sucker. After some careful study, Laura piped up that Tom had eaten, not a mouse, as previously suspected, but a gummy ferret.
Personally, I was skeptical of Laura’s provocative remark.
First, the creature in question was green. Not a soft, pleasing green, but a really radioactive green. I felt that a ferret would be too self respecting to parade around like a charlatan frog.
Second, the gummy rodent exhibited what I considered very mouselike traits. There were the ears, the rotund abdomen area and the slender tail.
And third, it was simply too synchronistic. Mercedeh had just been talking about a ferret moments before. It is statistically dubious that right after a whole conversation about a ferret, one would find another ferret damply flopped on a plate.
Also notable is the following coincidence: the first ferret, also a cross-dresser. This first ferret more traditionally cross-dressed in girl ferret habiliments, unlike the ferret Tom ate, which took a more cold-blooded style. Nonetheless, in both cases, drag-action was afoot.
What Mercedeh had said was that when she was in D.C. waiting to see the Dali Lama give a rousing and inspirational speech which profoundly influenced her world view, a guy shambled by walking a ferret. The ferret happened to be wearing a little pleated ferret skirt.
Mercedeh said, “Ohh, how cute she is.”
And the guy told her that the ferret was a male, but the skirt get-up was the only ferret outfit he could find locally.
Why not, I guess. I love me a drag queen as much as anybody who lives 20 feet from the “runway” in Chelsea. If the guy wants to raise a transvestite ferret, that’s his own business. Anyway, it takes a long time for a lady of any gender to learn not to pluck at her crotch when her pantyhose start to droop-- best to start early-- especially if you have four legs.