Sunday, June 29, 2014

My Latest Money-Making Scheme

As many know because I've been complaining incessantly, a large problem has beleaguered my very existence: there are no Swedish t-shirts. When I say "no Swedish t-shirts" I mean t-shirts I would actually wear. For the record, I would not wear a t-shirt with a giant Swedish flag emblazoned from neck to belly-button. First off, I would not wear anything emblazoned at that scale because I do not endeavor to look like a human lollipop with a head. Second off, I'm not Swedish. 

Last year, I was in Sweden and the only T-shirts widely available were ones that said, "New York City." I did not find this advantageous in any way. At one point, I spied a mens t-shirt featuring the Gothenberg lion. Although it was kind of cool, I refused to purchase it because, first off, it said "Gothenberg" and not "Göteborg." As a rule, I do not purchase tourist gear. Second off, I'm not a man.

After three years of pathetic online and offline shopping with nothing to show for it, I decided to make my own fucking t-shirt. And as long as I was making my own fucking t-shirt, I would make it exactly the way I fucking wanted to make it (just so the whole start-to-shopping cart didn't take more than 15 minutes because I am very busy today.)
The Ultimate Swedish Blacksmith T-shirt
"For the smithy, the most important tools are the hammer and the anvil."

It is brilliant, I know you're thinking right now because that's what I was thinking when I hit "submit." And then a wondrous thing happened. A pop-up window inquired, "Do you want to sell your design?" Ho ho ho, but of course.

The website asked if I would enjoy writing some ad copy and I dove right in. Here is my ad copy:

The ultimate gift for Swedish Blacksmiths! 

"For the blacksmith, the anvil and hammer are the most important tools." 

Order now and be the first on your block to own a Swedish Blacksmithing t-shirt! 

This is the t-shirt for blacksmiths to proclaim their love for hot-rolled steel. Order now if you happen to be a Swedish blacksmith. 

You can also order if you are a non-Swedish blacksmith with a thing for sill och potatis, or a non-blacksmith Swede with a thing for blacksmiths.

If you are none of the above, no worries. People who are not Henrik Lundqvist wear t-shirts with his name on the back all the time.

I am totally on to something big, I know. I keep hitting "refresh" in case the orders start rolling in. Any minute now...

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