"Some people see their name in lights, I see mine on a bag of pita chips."
"You know like Goya kosher food has its own section in the supermarket? They have the same thing for Dominicans. Except it’s beans."
"When I get overstimulated, I just start calling things out. Look at that! Look at that!"
"They have blue tile in Turkey. It’s real famous. Specific to the region. They decorated those arches with it. The Romans. Brought tiles back from Turkey."
"Oh. Tooshy tooshy."
"If you have plastic covers on the seats, you can Windex your furniture."
"I’ll clip out this recipe and put it on my fridge. You know, just to cook some straight up beans."
"Remember Stryper? They started this whole Christian music rock… Worship anthems."
"I’m gonna be up maybe even 5 times tonight. I drank way too many liquids. My record so far is four times. Sometimes I wake up and the back of my kidneys are sore. From the pressure. Pressure on this side and pressure on that side."
"Where did everybody go?"
"I didn’t know Jeff Bridges had boobs. He needs the Manziere."
"My egg is speckled. It’s speckly. I like the speckles."
"It’s so weird that the governor of Virginia can’t be re-elected. It’s so weird. Corrupt governors started it probably. It’s such an extreme measure. I mean, what if you get someone really good. You’re screwing yourself. I just think its so strange. I mean. I just think it’s so strange."
"Oh look who it is. Sanchez. His name’s not really Sanchez. I don’t know why I called him Sanchez just now."