Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Non-Morning Person Waiting Room Smackdown

One of my customers mentioned his wife got this Martha Stewart monthly calendar for Christmas. When to hang out your Easter egg flag. When to invite the fambo over for tiny sandwiches. When to stow away your toe peeper sandals for winter. All the important dates lined up like crisp croissants on a baking sheet.

As for himself, my customer thought the major pro of the calendar was that on one day in the spring, Martha advised calling up all your doctors and making all your appointments for the year. Meh. Not a bad idea, Martha. I told my customer I was on board with it.

I don't know why I set up an appointment earlier than the earth starts rotating. But what was done was done, so this morning, I slithered into the doctor's office at the appointed ungodly hour. First, I had a fight with the countergirl.

My insurance changed and she wanted me to fill out a bulging clipboard full of forms. Again. These boring ass forms I already filled out. At least once.

I told the countergirl that my birthday had not changed. Nor had my address, my emergency contact nor my family health history. Everything was exactly the same as the last time I cramped my hand doing her bidding. Plus why should I wearifully longhand pretty cursive out all my insurance information when, during the time it took me to tick off all the sections of the many forms which had not changed, she had photocopied my insurance card.

The countergirl remained stolidly unmoved. She stared at me soulfully. She had probably been up for hours.

I said, well, you have a photocopier, photocopy the forms I filled out the last time I was here and I will initial and re-date them.

She said, "No. I will not photocopy your forms." Overly sternly, I thought.

So I huffed back to my uncomfortable seat and wrote over the top of every section on every form, "Information Unchanged. See File." I used a .7mm rollerball.

Tom says I'm going to get a note in my permanent record.
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