If the time I almost beheaded the midget in Whole Foods didn't tip me into the abyss, it's now a done deal. I am going to Hell. I did not actually run over the blind lady with my new scooter, but I did get tangled up in her cane.
Since it was only a near miss, I thought I might have dodged the damnation bullet, but then Mary informed me that, "To blind people, a cane is like another finger."
I'll be spending the weekend working on scooter speed and endurance in case the townspeople chase me around with torches.