Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Umbrella Scandal declared Completely Outrageous by Melissa

Dateline 12/27/11: While enjoying her evening in a deceptively snug restaurant in vermont, Melissa's umbrella was purloined from the communal umbrella jar by the door. Although in direct proximity, Vermont is not New Hampshire. In Vermont, there is no living free or dying all dry and comfortable beneath someone else's expensive wind-proof, auto-open umbrella. The criminal element, especially ones predisposed to fine dining, should keep an eye on state lines.

Possibly unbeknownst to the perpetrator, the heist resulted in serious repercussions beyond the obvious damp clothing problem. Umbrella theft is no victimless crime and such was the case yesterday. Inadvertently, Silla plucked a third-party umbrella from the communal stand causing a thievery chain reaction and thrusting her deeply into the thug life. The bandit slope is slippery. Next, she may feel the lure of the rain slicker! 
Although crack reporters such as myself are paid a large percentage of all blog profits to maintain our objectivity and refrain from offering advice only relevant in hindsight, I was unable to curb my zeal for a new and surefire business concept: Umbrella PomPom Crime Deterrent Craft Kits. 

The idea would be to attractively and distinctively decorate the exterior pelt of the umbrella with sequins, LOLcatz waterproof stickers and shiny non-edibles. Now that they are retired by the loving grace of Jesus, Silla and David may want to consider investing a top drawer idea like this.

In summary, despite my best efforts and how much they amuse me, I was unable to work the words "chicanery," "rectitude" or "virtue" in this recounting of actual events.
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