All I hear is some thrashing around and Tom shrieking like a little girl with a vile potty mouth. I sprint into the livingroom. Tom stands amidst an explosion of broken glass. Some blood trickles off his cheek at a non-fatal velocity. Alex the Cat hovers nearby, puffed up like one of the more gigantic Uggs spaceboots.
It all began innocently enough.
Tom had been lushing on the sofa watching the prequel to Planet of the Apes, starring James Franco. Alex nestled on his lap, sound asleep. Suddenly, an Ape let out a wild Ape wail. Alex, in a singular apoplectic freakout, popped straight up in the air and landed on the top of Tom's head. His claws clung to Tom's face and he perched up there like a demonic koala.
With some quick battle reflexes, Tom yanked Alex off his head. The cat landed on a glass bowl and broke it into a million pieces.
Luckily no one was injured beyond the Lord, whose name was definitely dropped in vain amongst a cluster of soaring f-bombs, the noted flesh wound, and the Orrefors candy dish which I purchased at the factory in 1988.