Friday, February 22, 2013

Field Testing The Woodie

Tom received a new pair of underpants for Valentines Day. I purchased him an organic fabric contraption called "The Woodie." The selling point for me was The Woodie's alleged softness and high quality stitchery. 
The Woodie

Until Tom came out of the shower sporting The Woodie, I was unaware that its architecture included a penis compartment. I don't mean a penis alcove or a penis corner. I mean a separate room dedicated to entirely to the penis. 

Tom was a little leery of the full-featured nature of The Woodie. He considered how the whole operation would fit into his jeans and spent more time than usual tucking and jiggling. He talked at length about left sides and right sides and his general expectations for The Woodie's imminent field test, otherwise known as "Thursday."

All day, I waited eagerly to hear how The Woodie fared. Regrettably, the investigative reporting proved sparse. Principally, Tom described his field test methodology as less than "full spectrum." He stated that because "speed is not really a factor in the office for underwear performance" he felt ill-qualified to accord The Woodie a conclusive underpant ranking.
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