Saturday, April 02, 2016

A Review of the Ads on my Kindle. Otherwise Known As: WTF, Amazon?

I saved myself the 25 bucks. I got the cheaper Kindle, the one where Amazon gets to feed me ads. Every time I put my Paperwhite to sleep, a new ad eases onto the screen. The ad lies in wait for my return. I pick up my Kindle and the irresistible copy and graphics lure me to purchase my next book.

Except this never happens.

Because as cunning as Amazon is at big data-ing me to immediately click "Yes, Please" on Dansko boots and dual-sided micro-cleaning cloths in fashion colors ... they are the exact opposite on the Kindle.

House Trained: A Novel.
Can perfectionist Alex take a cue from her dog and
welcome the chaos that comes with unconditional love?
Seriously, Amazon?

Yoshi's Wooly World- Untagle the Fun!
Game for Wii
How does Amazon not know that I have never, not even once, purchased anything, at any time, that came within 500 feet of a video game, Wii or otherwise? Which data scientist over there felt that the striking visual of this indeterminant creature rendered in Knitwear riding this legless other creature rocking an S&M collar and appearing on the edge of some light vomiting will compel me to wring my hands and dive headlong into video sport?

I spent the winter staring at a whole string of ads targeted to unemployed sales professionals. Hopefully Amazon does not know something I don't know:

Brag Books: The powerful "reference" for the interview.
If you haven't put together a brag book, you need to!
Top Sales Recruiter walks you through how to put together the brag book.
Get more job offers!!!

 I was sorely tempted by this one:

The feisty Steinmanns fight to preserve the sacred art
of glassblowing in Lauscha, Germany.

Who could remain dry-eyed and stoic in the face of the feisty Steinmanns and their sacred glassblowing? Probably me. 

MARRY ME sounds so much better than just MERRY CHRISTMAS.
A diamond is forever.
Amazon: Leading me down a slippery slope to bigamy. And Christianity. Also taking on gender stereotypes. Should I be considering purchasing Tom a lovely solitaire diamond in a gold band? Would Tom get all giddy in the sparkling glow of some high 5 C's?

Pa's Last Request:
Best friends become enemies and are now
asked to marry as a last request from her Pa.
I have to admit I was wildly confused by this one. I grew up in Pennsylvania. "Pa" to the locals. Here was my first reaction to this ad, and cut me a little slack because it was before 9am:

"This is bullshit. There are no mountains like the one in this picture in Pennsylvania. And who in state government is so concerned about these horses? Why did two horses become enemies? And what's with the third horse frolicking around with the main character horses?"

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