Sunday, August 28, 2016

My Ancestory may not be gluten free

My mom gave me a DNA test kit for my birthday to learn about our ancestry. The results came in the other day.

If your property overlooked a lake, my family tree would be the kind of tree you'd you go in for. Because it wouldn't block your view. Turns out, my tree has only two honking big branches:

Normal family trees are more full-bodied. See me compared to an average German below. You certainly wouldn't want a German family tree outside your picture window. All those twigs and leaves, you wouldn't see shit.

At first, I was keen on the idea of such pure simplicity. But then I remembered something. I remembered I did the "swab your cheek" thing while I was eating crackers. Turns out, crackers are unexpectedly sticky. This became clear when I was jamming the swab into the tube.

Where did the crackers come from? Because maybe my genetics lean savory spelt crispy with chia seeds.

I expressed my concern to Tom. He replied, "Do you think if you eat Tortilla chips you could become Mexican?"

All I know is that Tom is 2.6% Neanderthal and I'm only 1%. So at least I have that going for me. Or the crackers do.

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