Waiting to Get There. Usually on the A/C/E in Chelsea, New York City.

Game Time: 2.25 hours "Fuck" - 27 times "Dammit" - 16 times "Jesus Christ" - 9 times "Doh!" - 8 times "Who is this asshole that keeps killing me?" - 3 times "Wow. That happened quick." - 7 times "What's it talking about?" - 2 times "Wow. I just killed somebody. Unfortunately I'm on fire." - 1 time "Fucker. You scared the shit out me buddy." - 1 time "Hey! I got a ranking of Corporal.. three little dots.. for my exemplary achievement. Or maybe to just keep me playing this game." - 1 time "Where the hell did that come from?" - 4 times "Bring it on!" - 2 times "I'm just hitting all buttons. Maybe I can give 'em an elbow or something." - 1 time "Why am I bouncing up and down?" - 1 time "Tomfoolery. Heh. That's a good name." - 1 time "Am I in last place? Oh yeah baby. Second to last. That's good." - 1 time ...

This video has inspired me to figure out how to post YouTube videos on blogs. All in all the hardest part was overcoming the challenging word verification safety feature.

Tom, my dishy husband, returned home last weekend with a PS3. My eyebrows shot up in surprise. Tom was surprised I was surprised. After all, he had " mentioned " he was " going to Best Buy to pick up a PS3. " Yes, except my boy had maintained a solid five-year-every-Saturday streak of " smack-talking " that he was " going to Best Buy to pick up a [video game of some sort]. " His threats had always been empty. I was suckered in by statistics. I tell you. Tom demonstrated advanced skill getting the PS3 out of the box and installed. He may have captured the high score for set up. His speed with multi-colored wires and male-female connectors shocked and amazed. Unfortunately, he got cocky. This became apparent, Game One, when he lobbed a granade onto himself. Tom's character (ChrisPike) also has been doing a lot of flailing around on the ground. He drops and rolls whenever threatened by the weird-looking evil creatures. On Friday, Tom took the da...

My brother Sethie, in a fit of sheer improvidence, selected "Dare." Ady, Kissy, Lisa, Cerice, Missy and I cackled and hastily put our heads together. The think tank had a two-minute timelimit to come up with something truly scandalous. Muffled conversation ensued, then some high-fiving. Sethie looked on uneasily. The ladies attending a fancy neighborhood garden party paused their conversations and lifted their eyebrows. A blond boy in an enormous sombraro and a grass skirt hula'ed his way across the patio. My mother was mortified.

Two cars. Car 1 contains my Uncle Andy, Uncle Ronny, Aunt Bonny and my grammy. Car 2 contains my dad, my mom, my grampy and me. Incident 1: Failing to notice five signs for the upcoming jug handle, Dad shows off his lightning reflexes. He does a Jersey Sweep across three lanes of traffic and whips off the exit. Car 1, caught unaware, misses the turn. It is only then that it is realized that no one has exchanged cell phone numbers. We break out Plan B: Park on the side of the highway. Disregard the four lanes of 60mph traffic squealing past. Wave and scream at every white Chevy mini-van until successfully reuniting with Car 1. Incident 2: Car 1 takes the lead. Everyone who knows where we're going is in Car 1. Meanwhile, in Car 2, Dad, the driver, punch-buggies Grampy, who is riding shotgun. We are on the Cross Bronx Expressway in heavy traffic. Despite all the screaming coming from the backseat, we miss the turn onto Route 95. Car 1 disappears down the exit ramp. The screams from t...

Best Band Name: Scissors For Lefty Best Only Accessible Song on an Album: Misuse Their Bodies by Beep Beep Best Singer from a Trailer Park: Jim White

My dad was out in the shed and he found a pair of old sunglasses. They were Beatles-style, round-framed glasses with ruby red lenses. He was immediately attracted to them. Dad decided to drive to the store wearing his new specs. After he passed through the intersection in the center of town, he began to suspect he had run a red light. There had been squealing brakes and cursing. What was confounding was that the light had clearly been green. The quandry resolved when Dad looked at the lighted sign on the bank. It looked green in his glasses. Normally it was red. Case closed.