Waiting to Get There. Usually on the A/C/E in Chelsea, New York City.

Usually, I don't pay much attention to chauvinists I encounter. Nothing I say or do will change their outlook, it won't be fun, and I'm nothing if not picky about how I choose to waste my time. The most annoying chauvinists are the ones who don't even know they're chauvinists. How occasionally rather smart men can be so fucking dimwitted is beyond me, but this phenomenon is not uncommon in the wild. Let's take my former tax accountant as a case study. He fancies himself an advocate of women. He has volunteered for organizations supporting women in business. You see, he can't think of a better way to spend the afternoon than with some sexy ladies. This is what he informed the female controller and bookkeeper who work for me. He smiled indulgently and brandished his belittlement like he was their king delivering a coveted grace. Had my controller mentioned this incident earlier, I would have fired that flabby ass accountant months ago. As it was, it...

"You threw your pick-ax off the side of the mountain and now you are trying to mine with a bed." - Jackson, 6, gives Uncle Tom some Minecraft insight

The first thing I noticed were Megan's special blue cocktails. The stemware twinkled blue. And everybody wore blue.  The evening was bona fide, especially after Shannon expertly stuck a blue dragon glitter tattoo on my forearm. Although I've never had a book signing thrown for me before, I can state with some confidence that it will probably be all downhill from here. Fyire Blue cocktail at Megan's Three days later, over by the bench presses at the gym, a big dude in a doo-rag asked if he could take a closer look at my dragon tattoo. He studied it carefully and asked a lot of "how to" questions. I felt like I was on some kind of sweaty arts-and-crafts show where the next segment would feature "quarterbacks who crochet" or how to t rompe-l'œil  a hunting blind. Looking all tough guy at the gym with my 3-day-old Dragon Glitter Tattoo I guess I shouldn't have been surprised after what happened Saturday night. We wedged ourselves ...