Waiting to Get There. Usually on the A/C/E in Chelsea, New York City.

I found myself hauling ass down East 9th. My morning had begun with time to spare, but so quickly can a simple errand turn into an excursion whereby I whip out my credit card and the salesgirl advises me that the best way to officiate a wedding is to "go rogue."  My original itinerary was solid. Before meeting Tina at MoMA at noon, I would go to Meg and drop off Darcey's dress. The zipper needed fixed and everyone had agreed that I was to wear this dress, Darcey's dress, to officiate Karen and Anna's hitchin' next Saturday. Except I decided to just buy the exact same dress because it really is a fantastic dress and there was only one left and they will never make this dress again, ever.  The whole affair proved time-consuming. Add an extra five minutes for me to gleefully imagine the moment when I informed the wedding party that I would not wear the dress I was supposed to wear. I would wear another dress. That was exactly the same. In my mind, t...

©Full Bunny Contact My first choice for Friday night was  Full Bunny Contact , but Tom didn't want to go. He said my parents wouldn't enjoy Easter Egg cage fighting. I said we didn't have to actually get in the cage, we could just watch. I also said Dunk the Savior looked like fun. You get 2 balls for a buck and a chance to see if Jesus really can walk on water. No one agreed so I hatched Plan B: A short experimental theater piece entitled " Odor in the Court ." The one-act began with Judge Rita, a 6'2" Cissy Houston protegee, bellowing a few soulful songs concerning Hiney Hiccups, Butt Trumpets and crop dusting. Then, her skinny and pale bailiff hooked thumbs in gold glitter suspenders and broke out into a lilting ballad about the great boxer, Gaseous Clay. I glanced at my dad. He was hunched over in his seat taking notes.

James Bond LinkedIn Profile Photo Mitch: "You should not be wearing a tuxedo in your LinkedIn profile photo." Me: "Why not?" Mitch: "It looks like you're trying to be an international spy. It's a reach." Me: "What if you're James Bond? Would you criticize James Bond for posting a photo of himself in a tuxedo on LinkedIn?" Mitch: "James Bond is a highly competent international spy. He would not be dumb enough to put a photo of himself on LinkedIn."