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Showing posts from June, 2020

The Plague Diaries Day 106: Pop Wins Old Folks Step Competition

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Pop has been riding his bike around their retirement community. When I say "riding his bike around their retirement community" I mean that in the broadest possible geographic terms. He's out there for most of the day and clocks 50-80 miles at a clip. Pop and his bike What else is there to do during a COVID quarantine? Anyway, he discovered there is an exercise competition open to all members of their senior center. Each week, they crown the old folk who has put in the most steps. As a result of an earlier brouhaha, biking also counts in the step competition. Someone figured out that each 1 minute of biking counts as 300 steps.  (This may immediately seem as excessive to you as it does to me. Nonetheless, this was the conversion calculation deal that was struck.) Pop submits his "step" count for the week: 450,000 steps. He wins. By like 425,000 steps. They won't let him play anymore.

The Plague Diaries Day 105: Three Exciting Things in Quarantine

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This orchid from my birthday is still blooming: I got a sampler box of black tea from an online tea place . I tried one of the teas this morning. So many choices to make... will I continue to use this first sample until it's done? Or do I open up sample #2 tomorrow? Big decisions, yo. OMG, who knew if you take a stalk of basil from the grocery store and break off four leaves and put it in water, IT GROWS! For chrissakes this is like a magic trick. I strongly suspect quarantine has lowered my threshold for excitement.

The Plague Diaries Day 95: Frog and Turtle Imitations

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Was on a FaceTime with mom and pop. Pop was telling a story about his brother, who has been helping out restoring an old church. There's some old pews in the basement of this church and... Tom unapologetically farts. Right in the middle of the story. I said, "Speaking of pews..." Tom says he's just imitating a frog. We have a lot of frogs in the pond, so this was semi-topical: Lots of frogs in Tom's pond Meanwhile, pop warms to the theme. He says he's going to do turtle imitations. He says, "Here's me, imitating a Galapagos Turtle: Then he says, "Here's me, imitating a Painted Turtle." Mom says, "Wait, what sound did you make?" Pop says, "I didn't make a sound. Here's my signature imitation: the Box Turtle..." This went on for a while. Pop can rattle off a whole list of turtle types right off the top of his head.  I thought it was hilarious.  Then again, i...

The Plague Diaries Day 85: Nothing Like Getting a Reputation

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Got a text from Dean the other day. A robin laid some eggs in a bush outside their powder room: Never occurred to me that robin's eggs were honest to god Robin's Egg Blue And then the eggs hatched: The text accompanying the adorable photos:

The Plague Diaries Day 85: So Much for Tom's Bird Feeders

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Meanwhile, so much for the bird feeders: Luckily Mom & Dad were volunteer park rangers in Katmai national park in Alaska. They trained park visitors how not to be idiots and get eaten by big-ass brown bears. My family expresses their enthusiasm and guesses our young friend's age: I don't know about your general impression of the above, but it doesn't appear that anyone is overly concerned with our safety.  I guess when you've been eyeball to eyeball with an honest to God Alaskan Grizzly Bear, you gain some perspective. Mom tells these stories about catching a salmon on a fishing pole and reeling in a fish attached to gaping bloody bear jaws.  The most motherly concern we got is when Mom manages to work in the first rule from her park ranger training spiel: "Do not surprise a bear." We now have to look both ways before we stick a foot out the door.  Photo Credit . There aren't any Brown Bears around here so we don't hav...