Waiting to Get There. Usually on the A/C/E in Chelsea, New York City.

I could see how some people would take up navel-gazing in quarantine, but Tom's been focused more on his toes. He has a Morton Toe , which is supposed to be a sign of great intelligence. Just ask anyone with a Morton's toe. BTW - the Statue of Liberty has a Morton's toe. Tom has mentioned this factoid. If you have a Morton's toe, you also can rattle off a list of impressive people with a Morton's toe. Tom wondered yesterday if the issue is that his second toe is very long, or if it's that his big toe is very short. I decided the latter. I told him that, for sure, his big toe is very petite. He has a petite big toe. Tom studied his size 14 gigantic feet in quiet contemplation of my hypothesis.  "No," he eventually replied. When I say "eventually replied" I mean like a really long time later. I'd already forgotten what we were talking about. Tom said he disagreed with me. He said he'd been picturing how his foot would look if his big to...

My visit with the first ENT guy did not go well. The whole debacle started out in the parking lot. The office said to call before I went up. So I called. They said to come on up.  And I waited with people sick enough to visit an ENT for 45 minutes. 45 minutes! Is it just me or is their OMG-the-safety-of-our-patients-is-our-first priority!!!! pretty much one big lie? Oh and then, after my harrowing 45 minute interlude, the ENT dude helpfully confirmed I do in fact suffer from tinnitus. Indeed, I have the tell-tale symptom - my ears are ringing. I near swooned in the presence of such diagnostic greatness.  I attempted afterwards to fill out their survey, but this happened: ENT and Allergy NJ So it was a full-on waste of time that I hopefully don't get COVID from. I went to a new ENT guy yesterday. This second one was so lovely and helpful that I no longer believe all ENT doctors are my sworn nemeses. This doctor asked me a lot of questions and I got a hearing test. Also he...

It's immediately obvious in the middle of a pandemic that handbags and shoes have limited utility. When one rarely, if ever, leaves the premises, there's zero need to swan about with your wallet and keys. There's also zero need for footwear that doesn't transition well to indoors. But not so fast. Just because I never go out doesn't mean there's nothing to carry around. Turns out there's a lot of shit I like to have with me at all times. Thus, I anointed The House Tote: My House Tote I take it with me everywhere. And by "everywhere" I mean in a 40-foot radius. Which also includes up and down a flight of stairs, so don't get all dismissive with your eyebrows. It's really nice to have all my stuff at the ready at every moment. In my tote bag, I put my phone, my favorite pen, a notebook, lipbalm, my earbuds, my kindle and a napkin. Sometimes there's temporary items in my totebag, like if I need something that is in one r...

photocredit On Saturday, Tom and I drove into the city ... first time in three months we darkened the door of our apartment. Despite all my angst, there were no plants growing out of the toilet. The refrigerator didn't host a game show entitled "what is this stinky blob?"  Everything was pretty much just fine. Except we're out of practice. Our city skills are for shit. First, Tom couldn't parallel park. He prides himself on parallel parking, so this was a big deal. He pulled into three spots our car was too big for. When we finally found an appropriately-sized spot, he had to back in and out like ... more than twice. Hashtag embarrassing. I can't say anything though. I got out of the car, walked like fifteen feet and ran right into a fire hydrant.