Monday, February 19, 2007

Me vs Heidi

The Contenders:

Kathrerine, aka "Heidi": front desk clerk at the Extended Stay Deluxe, 141 Cooper Street, Ottawa, Canada. Heidi earned her moniker by showing up to work with waist-length nordic-blond braids.

Me: Internet addict who twitches if unable to spontaneously search for "Pix of Brittney Spears' bald head" and who receives 500 emails a day which clog up the office server if regular download fails to occur.

Round One:
Heidi Snaps her Lederhosen

I could not connect to the wireless access in our room at the Extended Stay Deluxe, 141 Cooper Street, Ottawa, Canada. A handy notecard instructs me to call the front desk for assistance. Heidi instructs me to call Wireless Ottowa at 613-225-4631 and select option #1 for 'business.' I attempt to do so. Here's my subsequent conversation with her:

"It didn't work."

"Did you press the option for 'business'?"

"There was no option for business. There was an option for 'Network Status,' 'Fiberoptics,' and 'ISP Service.'"

"You should have picked 'business.' You are staying in a hotel, which is a business. I have given these instructions to hundreds of other guests and no one has had a problem."

"Clearly all your other guests are significantly more intelligent than I am. Help a sister out."

"Did you pick Option #1. At least?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I did. I waited on hold for fifteen mintutes due to extremely heavy call volume in the voicemail system. Then I was disconnected after listening to a recorded message saying that all nodes were operational."

Round Two:
Heidi delivers a TKO

Heidi is disgusted at my inability to follow simple instructions. Like a mother bird kicking her hatchlings from the nest, she leaves me to my own devices.

I discover, after a lot of flopping around, plaintive yowling, and waiting on hold, that the correct Wireless Ottawa answer was "Fiberoptics." Obviously.

But my final correct answer is that the wireless internet in the Extended Stay Deluxe, 141 Cooper Street, Ottawa, Canada, just sucks. This answer has been confirmed by the technical expert I never travel without. (Tom Nash, for all you in the know.)

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