Sunday, February 11, 2007

The Tournament of Andrew

Despite a slow start and his strange twisted finger bowling style, the Birthday Boy quickly regained his big league moniker and demolished all competition with a high score of 170. But Birthday Andrew did not savor the sweetness of victory. Turns out, Last Time He Bowled Andrew, Birthday Andrew's true opponent, had pulled down a 234 and had hard copies to prove it. The two will meet again, never fear, according to Birthday Andrew.

Competition for second seed was lively. Bill clearly arrived at the lanes with experience, immediately apparent when he wiped off the bottoms of his shoes with a towel. "Smooth Operator" Tom, as nicknamed by Marc, demonstrated his gazelle-like style while Mike's friend Gaby, a dark horse coming in and surprise contender, posted consistent results.

Marc "Miyagi-san," took time away from his own respectable game to assist "Team Denim and Diamonds" break the 50-point barrier. Team members Janet, Claire and myself struggled to achieve a focused zen-like state of mind. We had lessons in proper form and finishing our release with our thumbs up our noses in the classic "nah-nah-nah-nah" pose.

Tracie "Hostess" and Betty "Boop" showed off their aptitude and largely refrained from grandstanding and trashtalk, although their high two-digit scores could easily have prompted excursions into this space. Boop was questioned on use of hair gel as a lubricant, but she was later exculpated of all allegations.

Mike "Mr. North" added a celebrity flair to the event, although some bystanders failed to recognize him as he had traded his signature black Chuck Taylors for flourescent yellow/orange bowling treads. The crowd went wild when Mr. North handed out coupons for dollars off his new standup comedy DVD and latest Podcast.

Dave "DJ," Ray "Zippy," Joan and her daughter "Kitty," rounded out the klatch. Linda and boyfriend John made a brief appearance punctuated by a dry hacking cough and a story about goldfish fertility.

* * * *

Here is a tip empirically proven to improve your own bowling game:

Purchase and wear your own bowling shoes and/or bring your own bowling ball.

Based on observations recorded last eve, everyone who had their own bowling shoes or ball finished in top decile. Clearly, owning your equipment produces significant competitive advantages.
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