Saturday, October 08, 2011

It's like the Scapel of Flashlights

I figured something out which you may already know. I fixate erratically. This problem of mine predicates a cornucopia of odd shit.
For example, a couple days ago, I mentioned to Tom that right after Hurricane Irene in August, I went to our family doctor to review some routine bloodwork. The doctor’s power was out so we went into a pitch-black exam room and huddled around a Coleman camping lantern to discuss my cholesterol levels.  He was having some trouble reading my patient chart in the flickering darkness so I told him he should feel around for his little ear lamp thingie and use it like a precision reading torch.
Anyway, Tom got this bushy eyebrow look about him and was all incredulous that I didn’t see fit to mention this incident earlier. I’m sure he was just retroactively worried since I could have easily tripped over the exam table and crashed to the floor tangled in a roll of crinkly exam table paper and wedged up behind the EKG machine and no one might have found me for three days despite extensive search-and-rescue spelunker activity.
But in my defense, the Blair Witch Doctor Affair did not strike me as worth mentioning because at the time I was fixated on this organic Vicks vapor rub stuff that says on the side of the bottle you’re supposed to rub it under your nose with your pinky finger.
Why your pinky finger instead of your index finger which is much stronger and more dexterous as a rule? And why are they legislating which finger to use? Does it really impact the clinical effectiveness of the product?

I spent about five days actively sticking my fingers in my nose assessing the pros and cons of various options. Ultimately, I might advocate the knuckle of the index finger for reasons of sanitation, fingernail safety and general appearances. I can send you the spreadsheet if you’re interested in seeing the results of my seven-prong evaluation methodology.
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