Really Awesome Marmot Victimized by Hoary Squirrel : Episode 1.1 : Real Rodents of the Savannah

Terrible news swept the valley recently after a Marmot was forced from his burrow by a knife-wielding Hoary Squirrel. The marmot was incensed by the unprovoked and grievous encounter. No one was physically harmed, but the resulting mental anguish left the marmot no choice but to ditch his marmot children and seek refuge in the nest of his longstanding paramour.

"So many hardships afflict me," intoned the middle-aged marmot, often referred to as a martyr of biblical proportions. "If it's not rancid berries, it's some other booby trap. The other rodents have always been out to get me, that's why I need to own a lot of expensive sweatsuits and other things."

When asked what he will do with his future, the marmot shrugged, a picture of indulged tranquility. "Luckily," he sniggered, looking quickly over both shoulders, "I'm kind of a trustfund baby."

Responding to an inquiry into the veracity of this claim, the marmot replied simply that he "deserved someone to pay his way and fix his problems." Further probing revealed this belief justified by several incidents where the townspeople had, groundlessly, chased him around with torches.

"Let's put it this way... no one has ever told me I can't take what I want, even if sacrifices need to be made on my behalf. No one thinks it's a problem if some other marmot goes a little hungry to keep me in the lifestyle to which I've become accustomed. I'm me! These are the good times, just ask my two-thousand dollar sunglasses!"