Thing I heard myself say to the salesgirl while purchasing a gift certificate at Athleta:
"This will be a gift."
Things Tom has asked Siri:
"Can I freeze lunch meat?"
"Will my Garmen work in my pocket?"
Important thing I made sure everybody knew:
"Mustard belongs in open glass containers. Mustard shall not squirt."
Thing I heard myself say this weekend while searching around for my M.I.A. new jeans:
“I know I came home with my jeans on. If I was at the restaurant last night without pants someone would have mentioned it."
Best thing shrieked at Siri:
Guy on 17th street cackling into his phone: “HA HA HA” and then angrily deleting whatever Siri thought he said. Over and over again.
Thing Tom said after running:
"You know they say how chocolate milk is a good recovery drink? Well I took it one step further and got a Dove bar. A cart was there when I finished my run and I got one. I was like oh. my. god. It was the best thing ever."
Things people said that I wrote down and now cannot remember what was going on:
"You're like making a clone of your cat with his own hair."
"The Swiss really haven't gotten teriyaki down. That's why they import it."
"Listen, I got a fork in a pot."
“Who here hasn’t searched for ornamental chickens online?"
Things Tom has said about incidents with dryers in bathrooms:
"Does my hair smell funny? The hair dryer made a noise and then it started blowing smoke onto my head."
“The bathroom in there is really small. I leaned over to flush and the hand dryer on the wall turned on and dried off my ass."
Also there's this:
|Thing I Observed Recently|