Birthday Profile of Lynn:: 50 Years is a Long Time

I had the occasion to interview Lynn at her birthday celebration at Chakra "More Salt is Better" Restaurant in Paramus.

Speaking of meat, what do you remember about walking the streets of Newark as a young girl?
My mother would call up the butcher around the corner ahead of time. She'd tell him what she wanted and give me some money. She would watch me walk down the street from the stoop of our row house in Newark. I must've been maybe five years old. As soon as I turned the corner, I would see the butcher waiting for me outside the door by his shop.

Is it true that you cannot recall whether you fast-danced or slow-danced to Led Zepplin's Stairway to Heaven in high school?
Yes. That is true. I do recall wearing bell-bottoms and two boys getting into a fist fight over me. Maybe we started out slow dancing and then, depending on the boy, we would start to fast dance during the "as we wind on down the road" jam.

Awkward, I agree.
Really, I liked Jethro Tull better.

Men with flutes. Understandable. So tell me about the time you built a shed.
I didn't really build the shed myself. I watched Michael, Tobia and Neil build the shed. Why are you asking me about building a shed?

Ok then. Let's move on to your experience with mind-altering substances.
I never had much experience with mind-altering substances. I recall one time I wouldn't jump off a diving board because I thought the surface of the pool was solid glass. Another thing: I consumed a lot of vodka drinks at bars in the city there for awhile.

How much did one of these so-called "vodka drinks" cost back then, in the eighties?
I can't remember.

So is it safe to say you had enough experience with mind-altering substances that you once wouldn't jump off a diving board because you thought the surface of the pool was solid glass and you have absolutely no memory of key aspects in your life?
Melissa, interjecting on Lynn's behalf: Objection to the question. Lynn, please do not answer.

What advice would you give the younger generation?
Turn off your iPods and start interacting.

Like with interactive video games?
No, that's not what I meant. I was talking about appreciating the value of the human touch. And to enjoy this life. You only go around once.

So you disagree with the heroic founding mothers and fathers of America? The very principles that established this country?
What?

The original colonists were Puritans. On the Mayflower. But forget about that. What's your plan for your next fifty years?
To give back.

That's why you gave your cake to the hostess just now?
Yeah. Are you going to mention anything about Michael, my honey?

Like how he used to hide brussel sprouts in the radiator?
Melissa, what is she writing down?