Kiwanis Club Country Squire 10K Run in Convent Station

The black tar blisters dotting the road were caused by a Scorching Indian Summer Global Warming Heat Attack and also by the sparks our breakneck pace kicked up. Sethie and I blazed through the first mile in 9:06.

I instructed Sethie to jog backwards up hills and point out fat people ahead that we really shouldn't let beat us. I thought it might help him avoid the unpleasantness of sweating. I was right on that.

At almost every water stop, I had a drink mainly because the boy scouts passing out the beverages looked so earnest in their little brown uniforms and matching turbans (if applicable.) It was heartwarming.

We finished in 1:01 earth time. Due to the unforeseen twist called The Race Started Early, our synchronized iPod mix misaligned with current goings on; I missed my grand finale tune, Before I Forget, by SlipKnot, possibly the most ass kicking awesomeness of all time.

Sethie thinks it's a lame-o-rama when two songs by the same artist spin back to back on a playlist and my race mixes always finish with a doubleshot of my favorite screamers from Des Moines. My brother was vexed enough to crop dust farts along the entire race course. Several spectators were killed.

SRace Rating: 4 stars. Nice course, enthusiastic volunteers, clean toilets and bonus points for the policeman who, in an unparalleled move for a policeman, actually voiced words of encouragement to passing runners.

http://countrysquirerun.com/