The Title of my Book will be, "Help! A Large Raccoon and his Two Friends are Beating My Ass COLON: The Story of Defending the Cat Door At Our House"

From: Stacey
Sent: Wednesday, August 06, 2008 10:54 AM
To: Erin
Subject: Complex plan of action

Hey there,

Thanks so much for offering to feed our cat while we are at the beach. Ok, so we have a very complex multi-layered approach to the Raccoon Situation. Here’s the Plan:

• We have fortified the Raccoon Fence with additional sheet metal, duct tape, bolts, WD-40 and ammonia. We are little concerned about the ammonia as it may repel the cat as well as the raccoons. I was a little heavy handed. If you come in and the food is not eaten at all, please put food in the Auxiliary Locations as specified below.

• Inside the basement, there are two food bowls. One at the bottom of the steps and one at the top. We are keeping this approach because if the raccoons find one food bowl they tend to not go looking for another one.

• The food bag is right on the top of the basement steps inside the door. Please keep the door closed as if the cat gets up stairs he will spitefully rip our furniture to shreds and if the raccoons get upstairs they will eat everything except the condiments in the refrigerator. They may actually eat the condiments in the refrigerator.

• There is an auxiliary food bowl on the front porch.

• There is another opportunity for an auxiliary food bowl on the back deck. In the old cat box Tom attached to the top of the fence. Unfortunately, turns out, the raccoons can shimmy up there, but if you come in the morning Alex will have first crack. We didn’t put anything in the bowl in there now, thinking it is for emergency use only if all other tactics fail.

THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH!!!

You’ll get a purple heart after this one.

(PS: The radio in the basement blaring WPLJ, Hits of the 80's, 90's and Today, is the last prong in our defensive strategy. Do not be alarmed.)