Lord of the Dance Battle

Style matters when it
comes to the Dance Battle

Friday: Tom and I went to the theater and saw Silver Linings Playbook. I came away mighty inspired by the Dance Move whereby a crotch was thrown squarely into the face of a crouched sexy man. (Spoiler alert, there). In that phantasmagoric moment, I knew there would be a Kinnect Dance Battle in my future. I vowed to line up some worthy foes.

Saturday: I bided my time, went through my closet, readied a headband. Carbo-loaded on whiskey beneath a decadent forest of fake pine boughs, sparkling glass icicles and baby dolls strapped firmly to the ceiling.

Sunday Morning: At the crack of noon, I hit the streets, on the way to brunch with Ron, Gina and a posse of onlookers. Ron sat across the big round table in a flannel shirt and tough-guy jeans and talked about jack hammers and building permits but i was not fooled. I know Ron has a bachelors degree in ballet and he can jump in the air and kick his legs really fast. That is badass but I was not daunted. 

Ron got served immediately with my Dance Battle Challenge. Ron's acceptance had a ring of ambiguous sincerity; nonetheless, I snapped into action and began imagining my Dance Outfit… This year, I've hardly shown up to anything wearing tartan hot pants. A solid option. I will not deploy lace meggings. That's just reckless.

Later… on Sunday night: Over Dinner, I silently observed Andrew, my longtime Dance Battle Nemesis. You can observe a lot by just watching. With the beady eyes of a true competitor, I noted that Andrew has been slacking at the Dance. He's been hanging around, kickin it. Wearing khakis, using a landline. Ha ha ha. I will surely make short work of his glee-ful body roll freestyles. I am as fierce as a honeybadger and ninety percent of this game is half mental. 

Now I must run. I'm going to take a powerbath and plot my strategy. I need to select a song to really showcase my moves.