Waiting to Get There. Usually on the A/C/E in Chelsea, New York City.

Many slaves to tradition slice up their watermelons in a convex fashion.  I decided to go about it differently: A Naked and Nadtacular Watermelon Things this shorn melon reminds me of: A ripened pustule Darth Vader's head inside the mask A gigantic slightly moribund amputated fingertip Acne "Celestial Venus in Retrograde" by Edible Arrangements Patrick the Pink Fat Blob A non-FDA approved DDDDD implant Whatever this thing is:

Recently, vis a vis the interwebs, I was found by a long lost friend from camp. This was kind of glorious, because I attended the one camp to rule them all. This would be dungeons and dragons camp. Greg enclosed a photo of my fellow campers and me: Dungeons and Dragons Camp at Shippensburg U We might look like we all just got bitch slapped by a school bus sign, but my homies could lay siege to a dining room table like nobody’s business. In microseconds, there’d be dungeon master screens, monster manuals, piles of dice, meticulously painted little paladins and gnomes and orcs, and everything covered with a thin layer of tostito crumbs. My character was fucking tremendous. Her name was Morgan de la Conastar. She was a half human-half elven thief with the best magic item ever - a portable hole. This portable hole resembled an average black silk handkerchief. Except if you unfolded it and lay it on the ground, it would become a 3’ x 3’ empty hole. And then you could stick al

After midnight, I was reading a Swedish article on my phone in bed. Tom tucked in beside me snoring lightly. Everything was all sugar plums, soft pillows and curtains-closed stillness. I read a sentence about a “järv” — something like “the järv bit the guy on the ass.” I found this incredibly confusing because I always thought järv meant “bold." So while I supposed the sentence could mean “the bold guy bit the other guy on the ass” I suspected this was not the case. Luckily, there is google translate. I clicked over and typed in “järv.” Translation: “wolverine.” Well one mystery cleared up, but another still afoot. I have described people as “järv” in conversations. I have heard people described as “järv” in conversations. And by god, I do not believe we were talking about wolverines. It was then I noticed a little microphone in Google translate. Bingo, I thought. I will speak the word “järv” into the phone, very very quietly. The Google will translate my pronun