Waiting to Get There. Usually on the A/C/E in Chelsea, New York City.

You might be surprised to hear I have a question about Happy Hour protocol. You might be surprised because it’s common knowledge that I excel at Happy Hour, mainly due to relentless skill training.  Here’s a scenario from Happy hour on Friday to tee up my inquiry: Me: “How was your week? What’s up with you right now?" Random Happy Hourist: “Oh nothing." Me: “Didn’t you have some hobbies or pets or something? How do you spend your time?" Random Happy Hourist: “Umm." Me: “Any TV shows you’re into right now maybe? Or…”  Random Happy Hourist: “Well I like to hike." Me (relieved): “Oh awesome, where have you hiked most recently?" Random Happy Hourist: “I don’t hike anymore. I haven’t hiked for years." long awkward pause. Me: “I think I need another drink, yeah." Prior to attending a Happy Hour with friends and friends of friends, should one take a blood pressure reading to confirm one is still alive?  That’s what I...

Thing I heard myself say to the salesgirl while purchasing a gift certificate at Athleta: "This will be a gift." Things Tom has asked Siri: "Can I freeze lunch meat?" "Will my Garmen work in my pocket?" Important thing I made sure everybody knew: "Mustard belongs in open glass containers. Mustard shall not squirt." Thing I heard myself say this weekend while searching around for my M.I.A. new jeans: “I know I came home with my jeans on. If I was at the restaurant last night without pants someone would have mentioned it." Best thing shrieked at Siri: Guy on 17th street cackling into his phone: “HA HA HA” and then angrily deleting whatever Siri thought he said. Over and over again. Thing Tom said after running: "You know they say how chocolate milk is a good recovery drink? Well I took it one step further and got a Dove bar. A cart was there when I finished my run and I got one. I was like oh. my. god....