Dairy-free Yogurt in the Instant Pot

I am now fully into making yogurt out of soy milk. There are three to five reasons for this which I will make up right now:

1. Store-bought non-dairy yogurt is super pricey. I prefer to spend my money on Dona chai turmeric latte supplies that come in totes adorbs bottles that look like tinctures from the days of yore. I love stepping away from my desk for a moment to transform myself into some sort of herbalist shaman centrifuging a potion on the rotating glass plate inside the office microwave.
2. Store-bought non-dairy yogurt has all these weird gums and gellans in it and comes in plastic one-use containers which I dislike for all the same reasons some people wear organic bamboo shmatas and eat tiny scraps torn from Mother Jones magazine.
3. Fresh Direct sent me 4 quarts of soy milk that expire in two weeks. I over-ordered to stock up and then noticed the tragic flaw in this plan.

As with all my endeavors, this dream of yogurt also required a lot of online research, mostly on Amazon. I read reviews like some people do actual research. My strategy is to add ninety-five things to my shopping cart and then delete the ones I don't want. Not only is this efficient, it is a great way to consistently surprise yourself with items you would swear you deleted.

Finally, after exposing my eyeballs to much blue-light way too late in the evening, I purchased this yogurt starter: https://amzn.to/2OakK6k

incomprehensible instruction card enclosed.

Upon receipt, I snapped into action and read the enclosed card with great anticipation. The first sentence of the instructions said to "whisk or blend pouch contents." This proved difficult as the product came in a plastic bottle, no pouch to be found. Such obstacles generally cause me to abandon the mission for five days to a year, and so I looked at pictures of #weldporn on Instagram for the rest of the night.

OMG that is a buxom TIG weld.

Maybe three months later, I was talking to Audrey who reignited my interest in the non-dairy homemade yogurt. I vaguely remembered buying the starter on Amazon and jamming the little bottle into the cabinet behind Tom's electrolyte drink mixes. This time I would not be deterred. I did a google search for "non-dairy yogurt instant pot" because if you're going to do it, you might as well do it at high pressure.

Making non-dairy yogurt in an Instant Pot is seriously easy it turns out. Fuck that little card. All you do is add 1/8 a teaspoon of starter to a quart of nut-milk and then stick it in a jar in the Instant Pot for 14 hours. 14 hours?

14 hours seemed like a hella long time, but I excel at leaving and doing other things. Also, I can follow instructions. Except when they involve micro-measuring units. I decided to make a quart of yogurt but I didn't have a jar that held a quart, so I used three jelly jars. I considered doing the math, and dividing 1/8 by 3, but it felt like a very taxing operation and I don't have a teaspoon measurer smaller than 1/8 anyway. So I just eyeballed a less-than-full 1/8 teaspoon to all three of the jelly jars and called it good.

Only 1 hour and 19 minutes to go.

 The results were impressive, if I do say so myself:

I'm practically a homesteader now.