Dark Underbelly of Online Crafting which I am not a Party to. Unfortunately.

I have aspirations to be one of those crafty bloggers who wakes up every morning with a plan to genetically engineer gingham into seasonally appropriate wallpaper or maybe learn how to use shrinky-dinks to create an on-trend evening bag.

I like the idea of crafty blogs because they seem so innocent. Cute photos of dogs with tails entwined into heart shapes will drive this impression. But these sparkly creative types are not cherubs. They are a gang of internet masterminds. 

You don’t get results by merely posting adorable photos of rhubarb growing in your garden. You have to be ready to wage war for search engine advantage. The back-end of any blog about creative green living is a dystopian desert world of pipes and steel. Where their black fuel is clicks on retargeted ads.

Meanwhile, I do not harbor any illusions relative to my lack of effort in the SEO department. That doesn't stop me from documenting my crafting prowess.

Personally, I felt quite artful and shrewd on Friday. I solved problems using Things Lying Around the House. I could practically be a homesteader with all my self sufficiency. 

First, no matter how hard I tried, I could not get the top off a UPS mailing tube. The directions printed on the plastic top piece said “Press and Twist.” I applied a metric ass load of pressing and twisting. For like half an hour. Nothing doing. 

So I cut the fucker off with a SawZAll. 

Impossible twist n' pull

SawZAlls are an important addition to any crafter’s supply shelf:

After that, I changed the shoe laces in a pair of Doc Martens. Earlier, I had gone out and bought authentic brand new Doc Marten shoe laces at the Doc Marten store by Union Square. I mention my trip to the store to showcase all the preparatory work which was required for my project. 

Workstation while changing
the shoelaces in my Doc Martens

I purchased these Docs on Capital Hill in Seattle Washington in 1992. These babies are collectable. I’m sure I could sell them on eBay for probably $29.95.

Classic Doc Martens with new shoe laces.