BTW - I opened up a little antique mart in your old closet. Love Mom.

There are two gigantic problems with this sms I just got from my mother, and I'm not even counting that she always signs her texts.

1) Ruthless and brazen newsflash! She has been selling my historic mementos and possibly treasured personal effects.
2) Her advertisement describes attire I wore at one point in my life as "vintage."

Vintage? I just graduated from high school a couple years ago, give or take twenty!!!! And here's one more thing I just thought of:

3) She wrapped up a big box of my old track and cross country trophies and gave them to me for Christmas. Now I know why: She couldn't sell them, probably even after substantial mark down.