The Plague Diaries: Day 7 - Email Ettiquette and the Problem with 120 Free Emojis
I've been doing a lot of emailing lately. The emails always begin with "I hope you are well" or some other formerly trite cliche. It's now an actual valid question.
It's the end of the email, the "sincerely" part that is giving me some trouble. For example, today, I deleted "Sincerely" and replaced it with "Meanwhile, let me go back to trying to figure out how to jam my keyboard into a UV-C sanitizing unit…"
I felt this was timely and relevant, but slightly more TMI than most recipients appreciate.
A few weeks ago, I sent out a bunch of emails closing with, "Wash your hands!" - but now that feels a little too preachy and obvious. Everybody has bloody knuckles from ferocious bouts of handwashing. Maybe a sentiment like, "Stay safe out there!" or "Social distance for fuck's sake!" is more timely at this point in the trajectory.
Another consideration for a decent email close is format. I think I need to start off with a word that ends in "ly" like "warmly" or "sincerely." Or maybe two words like "Best regards."
Here's a short list Michele, Wanda and I came up with.
How about:
Clean handsedly,
Yours if the world doesn't end,
Yours truly dipped in Purell,
Must end this missive, there's a run on toilet paper,
Yours with no symptoms for 12+ days,
I think we'd all agree that none of these are particularly compelling.
For some reason during the brainstorming session, Michele asked me point blank if I was bored. Like there's no other reason to be hellbent on this pursuit! This is important sociological shit we're talking about here.
Ok, maybe she has a point
I also sent this gif to my niece:
My niece is pissed at everyone in our family, you see. It all started with this text message she signed us all up for so she could get 120 free emojis:
And so now everybody in the family will get 120 free phone calls from robots selling timeshares and amazing deals on cruises and maybe even notifications that our social security number owes money and the FBI is after us and we need to immediately call a 1-800# and send emergency gift cards.
Anyway, on our family FaceTime someone pointed out the trouble with the free emojis and we laughed (with her not at her, I swear) and now she's furious with us all. She's almost 13.
It's the end of the email, the "sincerely" part that is giving me some trouble. For example, today, I deleted "Sincerely" and replaced it with "Meanwhile, let me go back to trying to figure out how to jam my keyboard into a UV-C sanitizing unit…"
I felt this was timely and relevant, but slightly more TMI than most recipients appreciate.
A few weeks ago, I sent out a bunch of emails closing with, "Wash your hands!" - but now that feels a little too preachy and obvious. Everybody has bloody knuckles from ferocious bouts of handwashing. Maybe a sentiment like, "Stay safe out there!" or "Social distance for fuck's sake!" is more timely at this point in the trajectory.
Another consideration for a decent email close is format. I think I need to start off with a word that ends in "ly" like "warmly" or "sincerely." Or maybe two words like "Best regards."
Here's a short list Michele, Wanda and I came up with.
How about:
Clean handsedly,
Yours if the world doesn't end,
Yours truly dipped in Purell,
Must end this missive, there's a run on toilet paper,
Yours with no symptoms for 12+ days,
I think we'd all agree that none of these are particularly compelling.
For some reason during the brainstorming session, Michele asked me point blank if I was bored. Like there's no other reason to be hellbent on this pursuit! This is important sociological shit we're talking about here.
Ok, maybe she has a point
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| I sent this gif to my niece yesterday. She didn't reply though. |
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| My niece didn't reply this gif either. |
My niece is pissed at everyone in our family, you see. It all started with this text message she signed us all up for so she could get 120 free emojis:
 |
| I got this text from my niece the other day. |
And so now everybody in the family will get 120 free phone calls from robots selling timeshares and amazing deals on cruises and maybe even notifications that our social security number owes money and the FBI is after us and we need to immediately call a 1-800# and send emergency gift cards.
Anyway, on our family FaceTime someone pointed out the trouble with the free emojis and we laughed (with her not at her, I swear) and now she's furious with us all. She's almost 13.
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