Bullseye of Friends - (No)NaBloPoMo Day 29
When I was studying in Stockholm, I recall a lesson about the difference between friendships in the United States and in Scandinavia.
Imagine different levels of friendship on a target with a bullseye. Picture your best most cherished friends smack inside the bullseye. These would be friends you talk to all the time and share your deepest secrets with. The ones who would sit with you in the Emergency Room all night.
Then as you move outward, the first ring are good friends, but not as good as in the bullseye, continuing outward until you get to the outermost ring which is basically for acquaintances.
In Scandinavia, there will be a few friends in the bullseye and then like, nobody else.
In the US, basically nobody is in the bullseye but then dozens of people are in the middle rings and hundreds in the outer ones.
I've discussed this concept with Swedes and Americans over the years and everyone agrees that it's largely accurate.
I just thought of something tonight. You could call it a determining factor maybe. A way to understand which ring someone is in for you.
Inner rings: Sometimes the person calls you up or texts with suggested dates to get together. The friend makes actual arrangements. They pick a restaurant and make reservations. They figure out an itinerary. They make an effort.
Outer rings: The person texts and says they hope to see you sometime. But you know you won't see them unless you take it upon yourself to make the plans and all the arrangements. Basically, they'll show up if you do all the work.
Outermost ring: You only interact with the person if you do all the reaching out as well as the arranging.
Sometimes I wonder if people realize that if they want to be someone's friend, they have to actually share the leg work. I think this is true in any country.
Imagine different levels of friendship on a target with a bullseye. Picture your best most cherished friends smack inside the bullseye. These would be friends you talk to all the time and share your deepest secrets with. The ones who would sit with you in the Emergency Room all night.
Then as you move outward, the first ring are good friends, but not as good as in the bullseye, continuing outward until you get to the outermost ring which is basically for acquaintances.
In Scandinavia, there will be a few friends in the bullseye and then like, nobody else.
In the US, basically nobody is in the bullseye but then dozens of people are in the middle rings and hundreds in the outer ones.
I've discussed this concept with Swedes and Americans over the years and everyone agrees that it's largely accurate.
I just thought of something tonight. You could call it a determining factor maybe. A way to understand which ring someone is in for you.
Inner rings: Sometimes the person calls you up or texts with suggested dates to get together. The friend makes actual arrangements. They pick a restaurant and make reservations. They figure out an itinerary. They make an effort.
Outer rings: The person texts and says they hope to see you sometime. But you know you won't see them unless you take it upon yourself to make the plans and all the arrangements. Basically, they'll show up if you do all the work.
Outermost ring: You only interact with the person if you do all the reaching out as well as the arranging.
Sometimes I wonder if people realize that if they want to be someone's friend, they have to actually share the leg work. I think this is true in any country.
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