Dear Diary : Nerdy G-Rated Sexcapades

Get ready to turn on your heart light. After one particularly fruitful expedition into the uncharted shithole we like to call "our basement," I unearthed a box full of my childhood diaries. They are largely excruciating accounts of the demented science experiment I like to call "junior high."

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February 26, 1983
Dear Diary,

I just got back from the school dance. It started out kind of sucky, but then it got better. Here is a play-by-play account:

• I walk up to the dance by myself (embarrassing.)
• Fast dance with Agnes.
• Jill, Suzie, Shiela (etc) snub me.
• Fast dance with Emily, Cindy, Agnes.
• No slow dances for a long time.
• Emily buys me a soda.
• Slow dance with ? . I think he's in 10th grade.
  
• Fast dance.
• Slow dance with Joe C.
• F.D.
• S.D. with Steve B, who is not popular but I felt sorry for him.
• F.D.
• S.D with Joe C.
• S.D with Joe C.
• Walk home with Jim P. who asks me out but I refuse and anyway my Dad was listening.