Sunday, November 26, 2017

Things that are Annoying - NaBloPoMo Day 26

Last week, we were at that comedy show-- the one with the twenty comics stumbling around in the zone called "not ready for an audience." The host of the show opened with a bit about how she is wildly annoyed by people sipping their coffee from mason jars on the subway.

Not #1: Coffee in Mason Jars

I am not annoyed by people sipping their coffee from mason jars. It's a little hipster twee... like I wouldn't be surprised if I saw a unicorn sticker on the mason jar or some homage to beardsmanship. Even then, I wouldn't care.

Also Not #1: Slow Walkers

You can't have a list like this without the chestnut of all annoyances to kick shit off: Slow walkers in the city. I could say I'm annoyed by people walking slowly on the sidewalk, but the target of my annoyance has shifted. I'm now less annoyed relative to the individual persons engaged in the slow walking and more annoyed by the entire scenario of being trapped in the middle of a short-legged horde and occasionally bopped with a giant quilted handbag.

My annoyance is tempered by the fact that I alone put myself on 5th Avenue in the fifties on a Sunday afternoon. So-- no. Slow walkers are not #1 on my Annoying List because I feel, to be truly annoying, the source of the annoyance has to be out of your own control.

#1: Self-Righteously Annoyed Captions

Here's something annoying that maybe I'll go with as a start: The Saturday after Thanksgiving, a facebook acquaintance posted a photo of a crowd. This crowd was huddled in front of the Starry Night painting at MoMA.



This facebook person captioned her photo: "I hate people."

I became annoyed by this caption.

Seriously, dude. You go to MoMA the Saturday after Thanksgiving and you're shocked and amazed by the crush of tourists admiring probably the only painting they actually recognize in the whole damn museum. Go on Wednesday at in the middle of winter like any self-respecting New Yorker for chrissake we're all old enough to know better.

Ok.

Yeah, you're right.

I should unfollow this person and, with a simple click, evaporate this annoyance. I'm re-thinking beginning my list with this one. Give me a do-over, ok?

#1: Being asked for advice on how to sell personal hygiene products at a fair

I'd call myself both annoyed and baffled in equal measure when someone asks me for advice on how to sell personal hygiene products to consumers who are attending a fair, when I have never sold personal hygiene products to consumers who are attending a fair.

Yes, this is a good one to start with.


#2: Being asked again for advice on how to sell personal hygiene products at a fair

It is yet more annoying when someone, someone to whom you've just explained you have no experience selling personal hygiene products at a fair, informs you that yes you have sold personal hygiene products: you did so at your first job out of college.

You say, good memory, because your first job out of college went down almost thirty years ago and to the best of your recollection, at that job you weren't really selling personal hygiene products except in the most tangential way.

And then the person you're conversing with replies that you were, in fact, highly successful at this job and they demand advice on how to sell personal hygiene products at a fair. Clearly you are withholding this crucial information because you are unhelpful and disagreeable.


#3: Someone who refuses to believe that you may not have been highly successful at your first job out of college, and who still wants your advice on how to sell personal hygiene products at a fair

Let's just say at your first job out of college you would quit work everyday at around 2pm and pursue other endeavors that were not exactly conducive to on-the-job success. At best you were a B or B+ employee and it was definitely for lack of trying. It was also before the internet.

So for #3, let's call it annoying when someone insists, even after all this, that they know or remember better than you, and you were in fact highly successful at your first job out of college. So could you write out some notes on how to best sell personal hygiene products at a fair.



I suspect this is not what Sheryl whatsherface had in mind with her leaning in. She should write a chapter on what to do when someone chases you around with a "compliment" so they can force you to give advice on selling personal hygiene products at a fair.


I need to learn to smile and walk away is what I need to learn. My current strategy of backing away slowly and trying, but utterly failing, to be polite is clearly insufficient.
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