Waiting to Get There. Usually on the A/C/E in Chelsea, New York City.

My parents are cleaning out closets with a ferocity that would dwarf  Peter Dinklage . Mostly that means they are easily distracted by items someone socked away sixty years ago.  I am closely monitoring their endeavors.   My mom had pretty good handwriting for a ten year old. She lacked in the politeness category, however. The infamous "Nubian Princesses." I have known these statues existed my whole life but have never actually seen them before. Their provenance is a complete mystery. I am closely monitoring the composting, or lack thereof, of these allegedly "compostable scouring pads." Check out the evidence I dug up below. I buried them outside months ago. I will continue to shovel these up periodically to assess, but I have my strong doubts. Probably not actually compostable "Walnut Shell" scouring pads I buried months ago. I am actively contemplating a situation that emerged when I purchased two luggage racks on Amazo...

This post is my version of 5-Bullet Friday , but without nearly as much reflection and also with an ulterior motive. If you buy anything on this list, kindly report back. I'm on an investigative mission. I have had an Amazon reseller account for going on a decade and have yet to earn a single solitary shekel from Bezos. The process is rigged, I tell you. Like if someone clicks through on a blog link, but buys the item in a different size or color or model, all bets are off and no soup for you, blogger person. In the good news department, I personally have other methods to earn my soup. However, and this is important: Tom and I are engaged in a fierce battle to see who can earn more money on the internet. Tom used to win every year back when YouTube was fair, but in 2019 I might be ahead. I've raked in almost $16 so far and it's only July. My biggest money maker continues to be the Cher post . It's the gift that keeps on giving in the RPM department. Anyway, onwa...

Tom and I boarded the airplane and sat down in our seats.  We were bound for Oregon to spend 4th of July with Helen and Matt at Darcey and Kent's house in Eugene. I fastened the seatbelt and stowed my crap under the seat. At some point, it became evident that the young woman seated on my right was singing softly. Some kind of Christian uptempo number. Then she started talking to herself, mostly narrating the entire process of downloading the United App, remembering her frequent flyer number and signing up for inflight wifi.  The quiet talking and occasional musical interlude continued the entire flight. Later on, when we mentioned this to Kent, he said, “She’s probably from Eugene.” Speaking of the travel portion of our vacation, I’d be remiss if I failed to mention how I had been pulled aside by a TSA agent at the security checkpoint. It was because of a ziplock full of lentils. The agent hoisted the lentils into the light and peered at them intently. Then he turned ...

My trip to DC went flawlessly and say this in breathless awe. All my trains were on time. No problem with the hotel reservation or the taxis or the shipments of stuff I needed for the conference I was going to. The bonus logistical round began on Wednesday morning. I decided not to head directly to the office. I decided instead to walk to Tribeca and go the Fountain Pen Hospital. This plan to go to the Fountain Pen Hospital was super vital in a non-life threatening way. Here's the crux of the main challenge: The store is not open on the weekends. It is not open evenings.  It is open 7:30-5:30 pm Monday through Friday. Basically, if you don’t work in a five block radius, you have to make a special trip there. And because I’m not a retiree, this required deft time management. The whole idea of going to the Fountain Pen Hospital began when I heard Neil Gamin on the Tim Ferris podcast talking about his fascination with fountain pens. He mentioned this store, which has been...

When I learned about this work thing I needed to attend in Boston, I immediately snapped into action. The work thing required me to be in Massachusetts for a grand total of 18 hours: 4 hours of meetings, a dinner, a good nights sleep, and then home on the train the next morning. Boston -  Destination for the Work Thing I booked a hotel within walking distance of the train station.  Then I decided I wanted to actually walk the walking distance.  Then I made the daring call to *not* take my rolley-bag. I would eschew the rolley-bag. Because simply, who could disagree that rolley-bags on sidewalks suck if you’re going more than like 10 feet? I decided I would take my work backpack and my handbag, which is a tote-style affair. That’s it. And exactly then ... the whole endeavor became a full-on OCD challenge: How do I pack for one night’s stay in Boston with everything I need for work still in my work backpack, but then also manage to stuff in there all I need ...

After a really lovely brunch at Nix with Kate and Renya, I attempted to walk home. All was going well until I hit 5th Avenue. And when I say "hit 5th Avenue" I mean I hit it like a solid wall of humanity completely decked out all manner of gorgeous saris and scarves and golden tassels. Turned out to be the Hare Krishna parade. I had previously not realized how many followers of Hare Krishna there are in the New York City metro area. There did not appear to be any way to cross the avenue. Rolling ever so slowly down the street were these towering red and gold floats with people sitting on them cross legged possibly smoking hookahs. Or maybe it was incense. And all around the floats, flowing over every square inch of the asphalt and sidewalk, a jangle of men, women, children, strollers, kids all marching. Entire family trees turned out for the festivities. So I joined the parade. It might not be the best plan. It might be more a click-your-heels-twice-and-pra...

Tom and I zipped down the sidewalk in Chelsea. Coming the other way was a troupe of guys. As we crossed paths, the one guy said to another guy, “We’re going to that drag show tonight.” Tom turned to me and said, “what is a tri show?” I said, “He said, ‘A drag show.’ Not a tri show.” “Oh,” said Tom. “I was thinking that I knew bi, but tri sounded new.” I laughed. Because it was funny. Tri’s. That is not what the T stands for in LGBTQ.  But my moments of feeling all in-the-know were short lived. We went to the Whitney Biennial, which is a whole other story, but the important part is that I had bought a $7 matcha latte right before we went in that I was not. going. to. throw. out.  So Tom and I took a detour through the book shop in the lobby. There was a display of flags for sale. I see the Leather Flag, Demisexual flag, Aromatic flag, Non-binary Flag. Wait, the Aromatic flag? Is this people who smell good or people who only are attracted to peo...

Thursday night, we headed out to Bushwick to see a show. It feels like another world out there. A long way from the office in New Jersey where I'd been just hours before. And I mean that mostly in a non-geographic context. (Bushwick is in Brooklyn, btw. Apparently this is not a well-known travel destination outside of a five-borough radius.) Admittedly, I was feeling a little jangly when we first showed up and the venue seemed more like a club for people who don nude high heels to lengthen their leg line and then blow out their eardrums amidst unrelenting house music. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I'd left my earplugs in my other handbag.  And I don't own a pair of nude high heels. I feel like they were a thing like three years ago. Has the trend become a classic? I'm not the type who would know. But the second we got through the bar and into the theater space, I knew it was all going to work out just fine.  We were greeted by a very b...

Friday night we walked over to the Rubin Museum to drink with the Buddhists but also because they had a Game of Thrones tour of the galleries. A few of the Buddhists came on the tour with us. The tour guide shuffled us all up to one of the mandalas on the fifth floor and started pointing at it while talking about Game of Thrones. She had an iPad full of photos from the show to corroborate her Tibetan art-related theories. Some of them were a stretch. One of the Buddhists leaned over and whispered, “Too many Game of Thrones references! Maybe a few would be ok, but this is over the top.”  I whispered back, ‘this is a Game of Thrones tour.”  “Oh," he said,” I didn’t know that.”  Afterwards, we decided to check out the new Georgian restaurant on 14th street. The Georgian alphabet is printed, kind of big, on one of the walls in the restaurant. These letters look really spry to me, who cannot read them. They bounce across my eyeballs. I wonder who it w...

I have aspirations to be one of those crafty bloggers who wakes up every morning with a plan to genetically engineer gingham into seasonally appropriate wallpaper or maybe learn how to use shrinky-dinks to create an on-trend evening bag. I like the idea of crafty blogs because they seem so innocent. Cute photos of dogs with tails entwined into heart shapes will drive this impression. But these sparkly creative types are not cherubs. They are a gang of internet masterminds.  You don’t get results by merely posting adorable photos of rhubarb growing in your garden. You have to be ready to wage war for search engine advantage. The back-end of any blog about creative green living is a dystopian desert world of pipes and steel. Where their black fuel is clicks on retargeted ads. Meanwhile, I do not harbor any illusions relative to my lack of effort in the SEO department. That doesn't stop me from documenting my crafting prowess. Personally, I felt quite artful and shrewd ...

I picked out a pair of shimmery golden pants to wear to Michelle and David's big birthday party in Providence, RI. You might question my fashion choice — you might wonder, “weren’t you worried about having shinier pants than the birthday girl?”  Had you actually asked, I would have chuckled very breezily. No way. Zero concerns. When you know someone for almost thirty years, you gain a very solid understanding of what she’s likely to break out for her birthday party. My hope was to fit in with the general theme.  Good news! Tom said my golden pants performed very well. Michelle has other friends with similar perceptiveness. There was a lot of shimmer in that ballroom for a Saturday night in March. Michelle herself wore an amazing blue sequined jumpsuit. Super sparkly. This morning at brunch, I said to Michelle that the color was understated. She said, “Yes, because sequins can be understated.”  Speaking of pants, when Tom and I were walking over to the b...

Last week, I was in Stockholm for a grand total of 3.5 days for my class reunion. Sara had suggested I stay my first night at the Radisson Blu, which she said was right where I'd get off the ArlandaExpress terminal in the central Stockholm train station (T-Centralen) and therefore super convenient.  But when I got off the ArlandaExpress train, which was high speed, quiet and clean -- everything New York trains can't seem to manage in their wildest dreams -- when I got off the train and looked at Google Maps, the Radisson Blu seemed kind of distant. Seemed like I need to walk down the main drag and then go around the bottom of the station or something. I set off.  And fifteen minutes later, had walked in a giant circle ending up about 20 feet from where I was before, right out front the Radisson Blu. I'm going to blame it on jet lag. The Radisson Blu was basically in T-Centralen.   I went up to my room, dropped off my suitcase and headed back down to T-Ce...

There’s a lot to do in Stockholm. You can go see the Vasa Ship from 1623. You can totter around Gamla Stan , a beautifully preserved medieval part of town where Stockholm was founded in 1252. You can visit Fotografiska or head out to Drottningholm palace .  Meanwhile, I visited the laundry room on the University of Stockholm campus: the laundry room ("tvättstuga") for University of Stockholm Lappis students Eva insisted we drop in to revisit the old tvättstuga. She had met her future husband by one of the washing machines. So that mostly explains it.  I totally forgot about the super Swedish part where you have to sign up on a sign up sheet to use a washing machine.  If you didn’t plan really far ahead, you’d be there in the middle of the night with your underwear turned inside out.  Between the hours of 1am - 6am, the trättstuga is first-come-first-served for everyone with dirty laundry and impaired calendar skills.  After inspecting th...

I purchased a new tote bag that I'm sort of enamored with. So I decided I needed to go out and run enough errands to justify its purchase. I made a mental list and headed out of the building, east on 17th street. Nearing the corner of 6th Avenue, I heard a very loud crash. Across the road, I saw a CitiBike lying on its side, behind a blue Prius kind of car. A guy, who looked completely uninjured, walked over and picked up the bike. Then he said, "Sorry!" A guy gets out of the Prius and he's yelling before his seatbelt is off. The whole back window of the Prius was shattered. I didn't understand. The shattered window was way above the handlebars of the bike. How does a window higher than a bike get smashed by a bike? The whole thing seemed implausible. I kept on walking. I donated a pair of shoes and two skirts to charity. The tote bag performed very well. Then I continued over to the Japanese grocery store between 12th and 13th Street. I have been on...

As we were driving into the Holland Tunnel yesterday, Tom entertained himself by staring in the rearview mirror and cackling out a play by play. There was drama behind us. A gigantic gleaming white pickup truck hugged our back bumper, desperate to not let this little black Honda merge. Photo credit: DeenaH   Some background in case you’re unfamiliar: On the Jersey side of the Holland, eight, maybe ten lanes of drivers merge into 2 lanes with a really short runway. To help you picture the scene, most of these drivers are either NJ drivers or NYC drivers and then there’s always that light blue minivan from Pennsylvania or North Carolina or some state where they don’t really know how to drive in traffic. Photo credit: yelp In this merge, if everybody “made like a zipper” as Tom likes to say, meaning one car goes from each lane in an orderly fashion, if everyone just played nice like this, the merge would be perfectly lovely. It would be fast and efficient and no o...

Sometimes when I say words in Swedish, Tom spontaneously responds like a parrot. For example, I just was talking about the book I’m reading: Störst av Allt it’s called. And Tom goes: “Stewart-Is-Bald.” Then I go, “Störst av Allt” and Tom repeats, “Stewart-is-bald.” I’m offering up this example to level-set the challenge I undertook when I thought it would be a great idea to teach Tom to say “Friskis & Svettis sparker” in Swedish. I determined this phrase would be super for Tom when I was reading the aforementioned Störst av Allt. The narrator was describing a chubby teenager in the book named Dennis. Dennis immigrated from Uganda to Sweden and he wore lots of gold chains. The teenaged narrator, aghast at the cognitive dissonance of it all, wrote that “Dennis couldn’t even dance. All he did were these jazzercise kicks.”  I translated “jazzercise kicks” from “Friskis & Svettis sparker” but honestly it's funnier in Swedish. Friskis & Svettis sounds hilarious t...

My latest head and chest cold problem started a week ago. Last Friday, one of the buddhists breathed right on my face. We were over at the Rubin for happy hour when all of a sudden I felt this robust puff of air hit my nostrils. I think that was the start of it. I've been using my time in quarantine to bone up on cold and cough pharmaceuticals. Here's my collection: Impressive, amiright?!! I'm going to take this opportunity to spell out some important take-aways. You are going to want to study this post very carefully so you don't make the same critical errors I made and wind up coughing yourself into a sleep deprived wraith of the night.  I asked Tom if I kept him up and he just shrugged, but then I found all these ear plugs rolling around on our damp fever sweaty sheets. He's a trooper, that one. #1: Do not buy any combination remedy. That's my first tip. None of this Robitussin Cold and Flu or any of the other pharmaceutical grab bags. Y...